Where curiosity meets compassion, and BDSM gets the proper British introduction it deserves
Funny how all good ideas seem to start with a cup of tea, isn’t it? Back in early 2025, a handful of us were sat around chatting — a mixed bunch of educators, therapists, and curious minds — all feeling the same frustration. Everywhere we looked, BDSM was being shown as either something dark and dangerous, or just plain ridiculous. None of it reflected the real, thoughtful, human side of things.
So between sips of Earl Grey and plenty of side-eye at the telly, we started asking: Where are the spaces for genuine, grown-up conversations? Where could people actually learn about BDSM safely, openly, and without feeling like they’d stumbled into something seedy or shameful?
When we couldn’t find those spaces — we decided to build one. It started small, just a cosy online forum that felt more like chatting in your local pub than scrolling through another faceless website. Over time, it blossomed into something bigger: a proper UK-wide community built on respect, curiosity, and good humour.
We’re still the same small, passionate team who started this over a cuppa — just with a few thousand more friends and probably twice as many biscuits shared along the way.
We believe BDSM isn’t about pain, power, or control — it’s about connection. Real connection. The kind that happens when two people communicate honestly, listen deeply, and trust each other enough to explore safely.
Our mission is simple, but it matters:
We’re not here to shock anyone or push limits for the sake of it. We’re here to help you find your comfort zone, discover what feels right for you, and give you the confidence to explore it safely, respectfully, and proudly.
We’re a proper mix of backgrounds — educators, psychologists, advocates, and the occasional spreadsheet nerd — but what brings us together is our shared belief that BDSM, when done right, can be one of the most affirming, respectful experiences between adults. And we’re here to make sure people have the right tools (and reassurance) to do it properly.
Founder & Lead Educator
A certified sexologist and long-time community educator, Jamie’s been helping people talk honestly about BDSM for over a decade. They started iLoveBDSM.co.uk because they were tired of seeing good people get bad advice.
Community Manager
The heart of our community — Samira’s the first to notice when someone looks a bit lost and the first to offer a kind word (or a biscuit). She makes sure our spaces stay safe, friendly, and inclusive for everyone.
Wellness Advisor
With a background in clinical psychology, Alex keeps us grounded in trauma-informed practice and emotional wellbeing. Their mantra? “The healthiest dynamics are built on empathy — not ego.”
These aren’t just slogans for the website — they’re the principles we live by in every article we write, every message we send, and every community event we host:
We welcome everyone — every gender, every orientation, every background. If you’re curious, kind, and respectful, you’ll always have a seat at our table.
Whether you’re exploring something new or supporting someone else, your emotional and physical wellbeing always come first. We’re here to help you navigate safely, with care.
No jargon. No fearmongering. Just practical, evidence-based guidance written by real people who genuinely care about your learning and growth.
Whether you’re completely new to all this or you’ve been quietly curious for years, you’re welcome here. No hierarchies, no judgement — just good people and honest chats.
We host monthly online workshops (perfect for when it’s chucking it down outside), open Q&A sessions where no question is too silly
If you’ve ever wanted to explore BDSM in a way that feels safe, friendly, and properly British — we’d love to have you with us.
